A no writing morning

Woke up this morning to my daily morning routine - setting free some thoughts from my head to the blank page in front of me.

But I had nothing to write. No theme to develop, no deep thought to reflect on, no emotion asking to be acknowledged and be written in my notebook.

Write you down / Wear me out

I’ve been doing this routine for some time now, forcing myself to come up with original thoughts, themes or angles that might demonstrate my inner self; my hidden talent, my unexpressed unconscious emotions and sensations that slipped my attention.

Almost every time I face this blank lined sheet, I get this feeling. Suddenly self criticism arises, blackout is threatening to emerge and add to the anxiety, and I have to face the first conflict of the day, second only to getting out of bed.

And there’s no one to blame, and man it would be so nice to blame someone for your lack of self listening, motivation or inspiration. But it’s just you there. You’ve got to man up, hold on tight not so you don’t lose it, keep your ass in the chair, and make sure you won’t leave that page letter-clean.

Can I get a “Flow mode” please?

Still myself vs the page, tension is in the air. That piece of sheet with nothing to lose, while I have everything. I hate myself, the writing and this fucking routine.

The time passes and I’m still facing the page, not yet ready to give up and start the day with a failure. How the hell do I get into the elusive and pretentious “Flow mode”?

“It starts with one thing, I don’t know why”

Then I wrote: “Nothing to write this morning” and I let it flow. Without expecting to frame it and hang on the wall of my future executive leathered office, as a trophy for my creative journey. Because the first sentence written can be part of a big idea, subject or thought one might had for some time, and can be just a fraction of a thought.

But even that small fraction opened a crack, that attracted other streaming thoughts and ideas, and before you noticed, a whole page is written about things you couldn’t express two minutes ago.

Reflect. Detect. Analyse

Those of us who write, tend to forget how therapeutic writing gets when we turn off the self judgement. Obviously that this applies to me. When we wander, allowing thoughts to come to mind, we awake them as we awake ourselves.

It’s only when we write them, that they get validated. Cause once it’s written, we can detect what we felt, what’s lying inside us. Then we can reread it, and analyse and understand ourselves much better.

In my case, writing is a liberation. Sometimes it’s like a thinking pipe that delivers my unfiltered thoughts and ideas to a written draft, which in turns makes it a firm base to continue and develop more ahead. Free your sentence, and the rest will follow/